Image-on This!

One of the characters in my next novelette is going to be a real life leader of a foreign power. This world leader is a complete asshole, is often a walking parody of himself, and is widely despised by any free thinking person with a rudimentary sense of right and wrong. As you can probably surmise, he is going to be Bigfoot’s next little nemesis. This means he will need to be on the cover, for which I will need an image that I can character assassinate with Photoshop. Finding one is proving more difficult than I anticipated. I’ve had a fuckton of luck using free stock images, just check out a beta for a roleplaying game system I made if you want proof. One would think that finding a stock image of a well-known public figure would be way easier than finding a stock pick of aliens. It’s not. Well, technically they are easy to find, but finding one that I can actually use is the problem. I’m covered legally since the target of my spoof is a public figure, but there are other roadblocks.

I really envy those rich bastards and their fancy shoestring budgets. Bragging about having money, but not being able to buy every single thing they need for their fancy pants project is so one percent of them Go suck on a first world problem. Seriously though, cost is an issue here. I checked the price for using a pic from Getty Images. Not my first choice to find pics, but nothing turned up on the sites I usually go through. The cost of using that image was going to be a minimum of $1500. What the fuck!? It wasn’t even all that great a picture, but it would have looked good pasted to the body of a bat. There’s no way I could afford that, and even if I could, there is another mountain of bullshit standing in my way.

Apparently, the kinds of photographers who take pictures of world leaders really love the smell of their own farts. I understand having pride in and taking one’s profession and craft seriously, but people still need a sense of humor. And that’s the other problem. Even if I could afford to use the pics, all the ones I’ve found have been restricted to editorial use only. I’m not sure that anyone would ever really come after some random nut-job on the internet for using an editorial pic for the commercial purposes of small scale comedy, but all the advice and anecdotes I’ve heard from people with more experience with this sort of thing say not to take the chance. For once, I’m going to listen. Then again, maybe the satire shield will save me.

I’m sure I’ll find something that will work. There’s always a way. I will play by the rules, and if I screw up, I hope whomever I will have unintentionally wronged will be of the kindly cease and desist letter type, and not a straight to court sort of jerk.

While writing this, I think I may have found a solution. Fingers up my nose for good luck.

Screw it with all due respect,

Dix Aaron

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